


The Whole World's Full Of Losers

by powerfulantidote



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, charlie is the only one who plays hockey, drunk messes, matt grzelcyk disaster cinematic universe, working through break ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21702265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/powerfulantidote/pseuds/powerfulantidote
Summary: "Matt’s not sure where he falls into that equation, how to solve get x and y to equal his life being sorted out. But he’s starting to feel okay about the unknown. Maybe he doesn’t have it together, but he’s able to handle what life throws at him.“Hey, Zeebs!”There’s no need for Matt to turn around. It’s Anders, because it’s always Anders that God puts in front of him when he’s getting too confident in order to humble him."Or: A 100% silly and self-indulgent fic about how  Matt tries to get over his breakup one drunken disaster and hot early education major at a time
Relationships: Anders Bjork/Matt Grzelcyk, Danton Heinen/Sean Kuraly, Jake DeBrusk/Charlie McAvoy, past matt grzelcyk/charlie mcavoy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	The Whole World's Full Of Losers

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something fun, so I did this all in one night unbetad. This is very very silly, self indulgent, purely fun so I can feel better. Enjoy

Pasta’s solution to all of Matt’s problems is to crash a party. 

Matt’s solution to being dragged places he doesn’t want to go to by Pasta is to drag Danton along. The social awkwardness of Danton tends to bring out the extrovert in Matt and boost his ego. That backfires tonight. Danton brings his boyfriend, Sean, and the two are out on the living room turned dance floor busting out their worst dance moves to make each other laugh. The dancing from the two is very nineties and out of place, but they’re too involved in their own world to care what the people around them think. 

It’s the kind of thing Matt and Charlie would have done a week ago. Back when they were still together. Cute enough to make Matt want to vomit. Or at least, get another cup of mysterious alcohol. 

He gets up and makes his way towards the kitchen, and makes it all the way to the cooler before Pasta catches him moping and grabs Matt by his wrist towards him.

“Matt! Matty! Come on, you know this is my song! Matthew, come on!” Pasta exclaims over the music. 

Matt has never heard this song in his life, and he’s pretty sure that Pasta hasn’t either, but every third song becomes Pasta’s song if he’s had enough to drink. Who is Matt to argue? 

He shyly bounces along to the beat as Pasta rolls his hips and shoulders, making Matt’s shyness stand out a little more. Fuck it. Matt downs the rest of the alcohol in his cup and begins to sway. 

A few songs later, Sean sees him empty-handed and brings him another cup of alcohol. The reminder that there’s eyes on him makes Matt self-conscious enough to finish it in one song and only a few minutes pass before Danton comes to give him a different cup of something that tastes like strawberries and hand sanitizer. Matt chugs that one at Pasta’s request. By the time he throws the cup on the ground and wipes his mouth, Pasta has been taken up by some 6’5 STEM major and Matt is by himself. Something about Pasta always attracts the guys who are gonna make big money. 

There’s no time to be sad about it. With Pasta out of the view, Matt locks eyes with maybe the hottest guy he’s seen in his entire life. A guy who is now walking toward him.

“Took your dance partner from you?” The guy says to him with a fake pout that makes Matt nearly fall to the ground. He’s got deep brown eyes and the friendliest face at the entire party, but Matt would be lying if he said that was the only thing he was looking at. He’s _wide_, wider than Matt by far, clearly plays some kind of sport. Arms that put too many ideas into Matt’s mind.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do!” Matt yells in fake concern, a smile playing on his lips.

“I could help you with a few moves,” by the way he’s looking Matt up and down, the interest is mutual. 

“I look like I got a lot to learn, huh?”

“Don’t worry, man, I’m a _great_ teacher.” 

Overall, the guy is kind of dopey looking. Lopsided smile and a hat resting on top of his hair rather than actually on his head. The comfort in that image probably has something to do with Charlie, but Matt doesn’t have time to unpack that right now. 

It takes the length of one Ed Sheeran song for all the space between them to disappear. Matt’s rolling his hips against the guy who holds him steady, still grinning down at Matt. The smile is contagious.

“I’m Anders,” he pants into Matt’s ear. “Figured I’d tell you, I like getting the names of guys I’m about to kiss.”

“I’m Matt, and I like being kissed.” It’s dorky, and so is the giggle that accompanies it. Lucky for him, Anders seems very into it. 

Anders confirms how into Matt the is with a sloppy makeout session that occurs in the corner of the room. He’s certain this doesn’t look pretty to any onlookers, but neither of them cares as they try to get closer to each other as if there was any space in the first place. It’s desperate, but most importantly, it’s fun. Even when Matt spills a drink on Anders. 

At least, that’s what Matt assumes from the hangover and hickeys he wakes up with the next morning.

\----

Winter break is spent getting the rest of his things out of Charlie’s place and working skate rentals at the school’s ice rink. It’s depressing to watch couples on dates at work all day and then go home to see Danton with his head in Sean’s lap watching some TV show about gangsters, but Matt feels lucky enough that they let him sit on the floor and eat their popcorn. Matt almost feels relieved to start classes and be surrounded by other single people again.

Almost.

Sleeping past his alarm, missing his bus, and walking in late to his first day of Writing For Communications makes him long for a quiet shift at the ice rink where he could watch cute kids wipe out and get picked back up by their parents all day. 

Matt tries to keep his head down as he walks into class and not draw any attention to himself. The last thing he needs it the professor trying to be funny and cracking some kind of joke or to trip and fall in front of everyone. It’s going well as he tries to slide into the first available aisle sleep except-- Is that kid waving at him? 

Some fucker at the end of the row with a backward hat and shorts on in _January_ is giving him the Disney princess wave and a lopsided smile. Matt has never seen this guy in his life and by the looks of him, he’s just trying to sabotage Matt’s plan of being stealthy to make him look like the biggest asshole to ever walk the planet. Unless. Wait. Waitwaitwaitwaitwait.

That’s the dude from the party. The guy who marked up Matt’s neck so bad he had to wear a turtleneck to work for a week and a half, which, for the record, Matt does not pull off well. 

It’s Anders. This morning could not be more mortifying. 

Pasta and Danton don’t seem to understand the anguish of it all when he relays it to them after class. 

“Did you wave back?” Danton asks, not taking his eyes off the game of battleship he and Pasta are locked in on. This game has been going for a week, but they have to keep taking breaks to go to class or work but refuse to stop until there’s a winner.

He can’t believe Danton would suggest that. “Why would I do that?”

“Because it’s polite?” Answers Danton, in a voice that suggests that Matt is the stupid one here. “What, did you not like him?”

“I heard Matt’s a big fan,” Pasta smirks. 

“Okay, _ David _,” Starts Matt. “How often do you hang out with your one night stands?” 

“Me and Jake went to a game last week!”

Using Pasta for that one may have been a bad example. The guy doesn’t have an unfriendly bone in his body. 

Danton chimes in. “Besides, you guys didn’t actually sleep together, so it’s not a one night stand.” 

“You’ve been with the same guy since, like, freshman year, so you’re disqualified.” Matt throws his book bag on the couch to punctuate his words. It’s already been a long enough morning, but he’s not sure he’s ready to talk about what he knows Pasta and Danton have been trying to get him to talk about for a month and a half. 

It’s been just under two months since he and Charlie broke up, ending a year and a half relationship for Matt. Things didn’t end badly per se, but as much as Matt saw it coming, he couldn’t make himself fall out of love with Charlie enough to prepare for how much the end would hurt. In some ways, Matt wished Charlie was a dick, that he cheated on him or stole his money or something. 

But Charlie was a good guy all the way through the end, and he was a good guy who didn’t want Matt, which leaves Matt with a lot of questions on who would want him. Because he’s a mess who sometimes has panic attacks in stairwells or can’t say no to picking up his drunk friends at midnight on the night of his and Charlie’s one year anniversary and he knows what everyone thinks about him. That he’s nice, but he can’t get it together enough to be more than that. 

Danton has a sixth sense for Matt moping and interrupts the train of thought. “Look, you’re not getting engaged by saying hi to him. It’s just good practice for getting yourself back out there.”

“Embrace the fanboys,” Pasta says like the words are sage advice. And maybe they are. 

Matt’s over thinking about it. He grabs a spoon and a jar of Nutella and sits to watch the never-ending game of battleship. 

\---

Things are going great a month into the semester, despite what one may think by Matt hiding behind a trash can. 

Boston University is large enough that Matt has successfully avoided Charlie since the spring semester started. It wasn’t too hard, the hockey players’ lives are scheduled down to the minute and Matt has most of it memorized from when he was dating Charlie. The team rolls in packs, so if one of them says they’re going to be somewhere, Matt knows that there’s a high chance Charlie is there too. 

Until today, when there’s supposed to be a team lunch but for some reason, Charlie is walking down the hall with some kid that Matt only vaguely recognizes. This is the communications building, which means it’s Matt’s territory since Charlie is a Business major and Matt is in advertising. Shouldn’t that mean that Charlie should be the one hiding from him? It’s only fair. Matt has more classes here. 

This isn’t gonna work forever, and any moment Charlie and the guy he’s with are gonna move from their spot against the wall and up the hallway toward Matt. He’s small, but not that small where it won’t look suspicious if Charlie catches him crouching down in a corner. 

God, he looks ridiculous. Matt makes a mental note to never tell Pasta and Danton this occurred. 

There’s a door across the hallway to what appears to be an empty classroom, the door slightly ajar. He peaks up to make sure Charlie and his friend are still distracted before making a mad dash for it. If there’s a professor here, he’s gonna have to figure out a damn good way to stall. 

The desk at the front is empty and the lights or dimmed. It looks like a lab class, mostly empty except for-

Shit. 

Danton always says that Matt’s life has comical misfortune. Usually, Matt answers him by saying that Danton doesn’t know what either of those words means, but Matt’s thinking he may have a point as he stares at Anders waving from him from the back of a classroom.

“What are you doing here?” It comes out ruder than Matt intends, but he’s had a long day.

“I was here first,” Anders laughs it off. “I’m studying for a nutrition test.”

Matt scrunches his nose. “Dude, I hated that class. I had to call my mom once a week to have her convince me I didn’t have heart disease.” 

The confession gets a hearty laugh out of Anders, and for a moment, Matt doesn’t think about Charlie out in the hall. “Yeah, I’m taking it for science credit, since it’s kind of relevant. I’m an early education major, kids and shit, right? So part of that is just being a babysitter. Wanted to know the good snacks for kids to eat, really innovate the animal crackers game. But I think if I give them the healthy shit professor Whole Foods recommends I’m gonna look like Miss Trunchbull out there. ” 

“Cotton Candy for all, then?” Asks Matt, finding it impossible not to laugh when he knows that’s all Anders wants from him. 

“Maybe, but I’m still doing research on it. Wanna help me with my flashcards?” The question is almost a little shy, the most bashful Matt has seen Anders since they met. “I promise there’s nothing about heart disease on them.” 

Part of Matt wants to say yes, keep joking all day with Anders and forget his worries in the dim lab classroom. But the specter that is his relationship past reminds him of the risks.

“Sorry, I should, uh, go,” Matt stutters out, only briefly able to see Anders’ disappointed face as he turns to leave the classroom and walk down the hall. He passes Charlie, who he doesn’t think even notices him.

\---

Sean’s birthday party is a few weeks late due to their financial situation, but with both him and Danton securing their post-graduation jobs in the last week, Danton’s been planning a surprise party.

It’s supposed to be a lowkey night at a hole in the wall bar Sean loves in Southie that Danton rented out. He charged Jake with getting Sean there about thirty minutes after he put on the invitations for people to arrive, which may be Danton’s biggest leap of faith all night. 

“Don’t be surprised if Jake gets lost,” Matt remarks to Danton after they finish getting set up. People have started to come in, and Matt realizes how many of Sean’s friends he knows by proxy of being Danton’s friend. 

It gives Matt the worst case of nostalgia to remember freshman year when Danton would gush to Matt about the cute guy in his English class. In a few months, the two will probably be living together in a small Boston apartment, Danton with his job teaching art and Sean in the business world. Maybe they’ll even talk about marriage soon.

Matt’s not sure where he falls into that equation, how to solve get x and y to equal his life being sorted out. But he’s starting to feel okay about the unknown. Maybe he doesn’t have it together, but he’s able to handle what life throws at him.

“Hey, Zeebs!”

There’s no need for Matt to turn around. It’s Anders, because it’s always Anders that God puts in front of him when he’s getting too confident in order to humble him. 

“Anders!” Danton answers on Matt’s behalf and, wait, they know each other?

Well, obviously they know each other if he’s here. But that begs the question of why Danton let him go on about this dude for days without saying anything. Was this a setup?

Pleasantries get exchanged, but Matt doesn’t have time to get over his shock before some tall guy with curly hair who looks too cool to be here whisks Anders away in a game of foosball. 

“Danton, what the fuck?” Matt whispers to Danton as they turn away from Anders.

“What?” Confusion laces Danton’s words, and in moments like these Matt understand why Danton’s career is in pictures only. “Wait, that's not...”

“It is!”

“No way! Man, I swear…” Danton pushes his hair away from his face, blushing from embarrassment. “I didn’t realize the dude you hooked up with was _ that _ Anders?”

This is the stupidest conversation that Matt has ever been a part of. “How many other Anders do you think attend this school?”

“I don’t know! It’s a big school, I thought maybe it was a Swedish exchange student. I swear to God, dude, it was really dark at that party, and I was a little busy with my boyfriend, you know?” 

Danton does look really embarrassed, but the explanations only make Matt more dumbfounded by how dumb this all is. “Anders...is not a common name, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“It’s more common than my name!” 

The argument doesn’t have time to go further as Jake texts Danton that they’re parking and Danton has to yell at the attendees to take their place. As they hide in one of the corners closest to the door, Matt hears Danton groan, “Oh god.”

“What?”

Danton tilts his phone so that Matt can read the text from Jake. _ Oh btw im bringing the guy I’m seeing hope that's okay ;-) _

“Who’s the guy?” Whispers Matt.

“I don’t know, but it’s Jake, so probably some guy who will fistfight Chris or-” 

Before Danton can finish, the door swings open. Sean walks in and they all yell to surprise him out of synch. It’s a weird tradition, and Matt thinks if he could, he'd rather have a reverse surprise party where he scares the shit out of his friends instead. 

Danton darts over to Sean who lifts him into a hug. The moment is sweet, and Matt wishes he got to enjoy it before he sees Charlie walk in behind Jake.

He thinks he’s going to faint. Charlie definitely sees him, and even if he didn’t, he knows Matt is going to be at anything Danton’s running. 

Matt orders two drinks as soon as the party gets going. He knocks back the first one in thirty seconds flat and is making his way through the second one before most people have even placed an order. This is the kind of night it’s going to be. 

He barely takes two steps from the bar when Anders bumps into him. His eyes are wide, shocked at Matt’s drinking habits. “Woah, Matty G, what’s the need for speed?” 

“Well, I got somewhere to be,” Matt takes a comically large sip before continuing. “I’m looking for someone to dance with me.” 

“You got someone in mind?” Anders teases back like he can read Matt’s mind. He probably can, considering he always shows up at Matt’s worse to bring out the best in him. 

“I had a really good teacher once, hoping he’d stop by.”

That’s all it takes to get Anders arms around his waist. They keep it PG at first, and Matt learns that Anders has more moves than just grinding. Once he sees Sean trying to dip Danton in the middle of the floor and failing, Anders decides to show them up by lifting Matt so his legs are around Anders’ waist. The music is better than it was at the party where they met meaning Anders is singing in his ear and coaxing Matt to sing along. What’s he to do but to try to sing even louder? 

Matt thinks that he really, really would like to kiss Anders tonight. But his focus is ruined when he catches sight of Jake and Charlie in the corner, Charlie whispering something in Jake’s ear that has him giggling like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. 

A memory hits Matt of Sophomore year, Charlie coming into the skate shop and even though no one was around, Charlie would talk so softly right next to him. As if he was telling him a secret. Like Matt had proven himself worthy to be able to hear it. Charlie would never think of it that way, would never think of his affection as a limited commodity. Which is worse, because it meant that it was only limited when it was Matt.

Fuck, he needs another drink. “I’ll be right back.” 

One drink turns into two, then he goes to the bathroom and comes back for a third. Matt is desperately trying to drown out the thoughts in his ears of everything Jake has that he doesn’t but it’s not enough. Jake isn’t complicated like Matt. He’s straight forward and easy to talk about things with and it rarely requires any math to talk to him unlike with Matt. Maybe for a night, Matt can sing with a guy and wrap himself around his waist, but it’s different finding someone who thinks you’re worth coming home to. 

He finishes the third drink and orders his fourth before going to find Anders. This time, he’s determined to have a good night.

“Anders!” Matt exclaims walking across the bar, and wow, it’s a lot harder to put one foot in front of the other than it was just a few minutes ago. 

Anders turns to face Matt. The smile on his face immediately vanishes and is replaced with worry. 

He reaches out gently to try to steady Matt. “Oh, dude, are you good? Do you need a cab?” 

“No! I feel great, I want to kiss you.” Matt hopes that if he says it with enough confidence, it’ll be true. The feeling great part, at least. He does already want to kiss Anders.

“Bro, I think-”

Before Anders can finish the sentence, Matt throws up all over his shoes. 

He wishes he could say he took it in stride. That he cleaned himself up in the bathroom and grabbed a mop and got himself a cab home while apologizing to everyone. 

But that would be a total lie. What Matt did instead was run out the back door of the bar before anyone could see him start to cry. Didn’t stop to see Anders’ reaction or even respond when Danton calls out for him. 

Sitting on the pavement in the parking lot, Matt tries to focus more on cleaning up his pants than how much he just embarrassed himself in front of his best friends, his ex, his ex’s new boyfriend who is also friends with his best friend’s boyfriend, and the guy he thinks is cute and keeps running from. That’s a conversation he needs to have with sober Matt that he knows is not going to happen. 

The door opens, and Matt keeps his head down and assumes it’s Pasta coming to take him home. “Can we please not talk about this?”

“Sure thing,” It’s not Pasta at the door. Anders takes a seat next to him on the ground. “You know, I always thought surprise parties kinda sucked.” 

“Really?” Matt appreciates Anders trying to play it cool with puke on his shoes.

There’s a water bottle in Anders’ hand, and Matt doesn’t even realize it’s for him until Anders slides it over to him. 

“Yeah, like, if it’s a party for me then why am I the one having people jump out at me? The party should be me scaring _ my _ friends. I wanna see Pasta lose his cool for once, noodle get cooked, you know what I mean?” Anders explains. 

“Hey! I was just thinking the same thing earlier today.” Laughs Matt, and then he realizes that somehow after all this, Anders has him laughing. Something about Anders out there makes his stomach feel a little more settled and all of him feel less insecure. 

After a moment of comfortable silence, Anders speaks up. “Look, Pasta is calling you a cab to take you home, but I wanted to say goodbye to you. And that I’m not mad at you, for anything. We’ve all had bad days.” 

It’s the kindness that Matt’s been craving and now feels guilty for receiving. 

He wishes he had replied with something better than “thanks,” but that’s all Matt was able to come up with before Pasta came to take him away.

\--- 

Matt knows he fucked up when he smells Danton making breakfast. Danton only cooks whenever a hard conversation is about to occur.

The suspicion is confirmed when Matt inches towards the kitchen table and Pasta’s awake. Pasta only gets up before noon for serious reasons. 

“Matthew, this is an intervention,” Pasta says in an even tone as he slides two Advil over to Matt. 

Matt rolls his eyes. “An intervention for what?”

“For getting over your damn ex!” Yells Danton from the kitchen.

Pasta repeats after Danton in the same tone. “For getting over your damn ex.” 

It’s too early and Matt’s too hungover for this. 

“C’mon guys-”

“No, shut up. We’re doing this.” Danton walks out to the doorway to say it. 

The conversation probably is long overdue, and it did reach critical need last night. Still, a selfish part of Matt wants to pretend last night never happened and just never talk about it again. 

Moving closer to where Matt is sitting, Danton is the one that begins. “Matt, Charlie is a great dude-”

“Promising start here”

“-But if you don’t stop acting like he’s the permission slip to happiness, you’re gonna keep puking on people’s shoes.”

Matt really hates the fact that Danton can read him so well, can read the people around him so well in general. Fucking finger painting preschool teacher. 

“And if you keep doing that, we’re gonna make you wear Heelys everywhere” Pasta adds on. 

There is something to be said about Matt making things intentionally harder for himself. He knows this, and yet all he can feel is guilt for having friends who even care enough to have this conversation with him. 

“I just…” Matt sighs and puts his head in his hands to block out the light that’s hurting his head. “I feel like I don’t earn any of the good things that happen to me, because if I did, then Charlie wouldn’t have broken up with me.” 

And really, it was never about Charlie. Matt knew there would be other guys, he’s worried that it ends the same every time. He doesn’t know if he can keep putting himself through that. 

“That’s a really sad thought. Good thing it’s not how it works.” Pasta responds with such confidence that it’s almost enough for Matt to believe him.

Danton comes in with reinforcements. “If people earned good things by being good people, the world would be a lot better place. That’s just not how it is.” 

That’s a statement not even Matt can argue on. All the evidence can be found when you turn on the news to another tragedy or check social media to see how well your high school bully is doing. 

Pasta takes a sip of his coffee and makes eye contact with Matt for the first time all morning.

“If you get a chance to win, man, you have to take it.”

\--- 

Matt’s not sure if he and Anders will be forever, or if they’ll even last a week.

What he does know is that, while sitting in the back row of class listening to Anders make even the professor crack a smile with his midterm presentation, this guy makes Matt focus a lot more on the things that matter and worry less about the things that don’t. 

For the past six weeks, Matt has been the first one out of class to avoid talking to Anders and risk making a fool of himself. It’s less of a worry after throwing up on a guy’s shoes.

“Hey, Anders,” Matt catches him as he’s packing up his stuff. “Sweet presentation.”

“Thanks! I forgot how scary it can be when you’re talking to sophomores in college and not third graders.” 

Anders has that same lopsided smile on that he always does, not looking at Matt any different after having seen the worst of him. It leaves Matt breathless, but luckily Anders speaks up for him. 

“But we have one thing in common with eight-year-olds.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” 

Anders leans in like he’s about to tell Matt a secret. “We both will pay attention to anything if there’s a promise of candy.” 

Their laughter echoes enough to remind them the room is almost empty, and give Matt the courage to do what he came here for.

“Hey, look, can I have your number?” Matt speaks up as they get ready to leave the room. 

“Yeah, man, what for?” 

“Well, you know, I like to get the numbers of guys I’m about to ask out on dates.” Matt echoes the words from Anders all those months ago, and it seems like Anders gets it too. 

Anders stops right there and then to pull out a notebook paper and write 9 digits in careful handwriting for Matt. 

“Just don’t blow up my phone between three and four pm on Thursdays, that’s when I have my main woman on the line,” Teases Anders, before getting to the punch line. “My Grandma.” 

Matt’s not sure if he and Anders will last forever, but he knows he won’t regret the time they have together.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any grammar mistakes once again all written in one night unbetad. Like and subscribe in the comments below


End file.
